Your reference group may determine whom you will envy, but you can determine your reference group. If you're sick of being the poorest person on the block, pick up and move to a more modest neighborhood, says economist Robert H. Frank. While we can't altogether suppress status awareness, we can largely control whom we will inevitably compare ourselves to; we have great latitude in our choice of friends, neighbors and coworkers.
Finding the right pond is often a process of trial and error, says graduate student and researcher Sarah Hill. If you do well in a particular realm, and thus gain status, positive reinforcement propels you to stick with that domain. "If a woman is really good at jumping show horses and it provides her praise and even gets her access to a different mating pool, she's going to compete in that arena," Hill says. Yes, she will feel envious of rivals, but the feeling will motivate her to become better at a sport that defines her, and her self-esteem will grow accordingly.
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